I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
