His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
