And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
