Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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