you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
