I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's shark week go big or go home
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize