I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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