I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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