Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
