Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
