i jhust puked up my retainher.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize