You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
