I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
