you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
