the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
