Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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