Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
