So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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