This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
time to smoke my breakfast
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
