A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You ruined the universe
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
