I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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