remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
