The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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