I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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