I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
