Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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