Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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