hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
