She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
