she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
