I can't breathe out the right side of my face
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
