I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize