meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
