you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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