Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
