dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize