my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
