i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
