When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
