fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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