i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
