Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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