Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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