ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Non-Jews are for practice
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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