your thong is hanging out like whoa
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There's always time for handjobs
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
