Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Acid is not a monday night drug
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize