PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
