just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
