Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Randomize
