finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
