I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
we're so committed to being not committed
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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