If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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