Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
