can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
