I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
