I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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