Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
