Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
