Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
