he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
