Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
