Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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