just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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