Please, let me fuck your mom
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
