i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
