In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
