if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
