I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
