hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
